One of the best parts about being published in Clash of the Couples two days ago (get your copy here!) was all the bonding with my fellow contributors in the weeks leading up to the release. I got to know quite a few of the best bloggers out there. Most of them were ladies, but not all of them.
One of my new friends Spike Zalenka and I decided to guest post on each other’s blogs as male contributors to Clash. Since Clash deals with the fights couples have, we decided to guest post about minor fights we’ve had with our spouses. So with great pleasure, I introduce Spike’s guest post about another fight he and his wife have had where he reminds his wife that everything will be okay if she’d only take a deep breath.
Spike blogs at Double Trouble Daddy, about the crazy life of being a stay at home dad to twin boys. Check him out, subscribe, then buy 2ooo copies of our book.
It’s Going to Be Okay
Spike Zalenka, Double Trouble Daddy
If I said the title, “Why England Slept,” it probably wouldn’t mean much to you. If I told you that an autographed copy could be scored for upwards of $60,000 (plus shipping), I’d probably get your attention pretty quick.
The book, published the first time in 1940 was originally titled, “Appeasement in Munich,” and it was the senior honors paper written a year earlier by none other than John Fitzgerald Kennedy in response to Winston Churchill’s, “While England Slept.”
Now that I’ve completely bored you, it’s time to wake up and pay attention because this is where it gets fun!
I’m going to offer you a first edition autographed copy of MY book for only $19.95 including shipping!
I know, a steal, right? And a bargain at twice the price!
If you would have told me a year ago that I would be featured in a book alongside some great authors, I probably would have told you that you were crazy. Had you then told me the book would be about marital spats, the white van would have showed up immediately and taken you away in a straitjacket. Now I’m here signing your release papers, and un-lacing your restraints.
I mean, what do I know about marital fights? I’ve only been at this for 5 years. We’re still on our honeymoon, right? We, like most couples, have our slightly stormy moments. Honestly those pass pretty quickly with very little rain, the sun appears and things return to normal again. I’ve just always stuck to the theory that if you relax, and take a deep breath, it’s all going to be ok. Even if it’s not ok, as long as you remain calm, you’re still going to make it through the storm in one piece.
It is Valentine’s Day weekend, 2008 and my girlfriend and I are walking from Bally’s to Planet Hollywood. “Shit!!” she exclaims. I ask her what’s wrong, and as she digs through her purse she tells me that she thinks she left her camera in the room we checked out of earlier that day at Mandalay Bay. This is the girl I had been dating since the 18th of October the previous year. The same one that would be moving here to Sin City with me in less than 2 months from Colorado. Unknown to me then, the same woman that I would marry 2 years from the day we started going out. She was here visiting one last time before her big move, and we had just checked out of one hotel after a night and into another.
“Relax,” I told her. “We’ll call housekeeping and make sure they hang on to it. We can pick it up there tomorrow.”
I swear at that moment I witnessed a scene from the Godfather. In between tears, and sobs I hear, “If that housekeeper, or maid, or whatever you want to call her… if she steals my camera I hope that Karma comes up and takes a big old bite out of her ass!”
But Karma wouldn’t need to be called in because it was ok, just like I told her it would be. We had the camera back in her possession by noon the following day. This would be only the first of many times I told her to take a deep breath, and relax. Everything would be ok.
Like the time that I had an idiot pull out in front of me. It was my birthday of all days, and I’m cruising down Eastern Avenue going the posted 45 mph. The radio is on in the car… her car… the only car we have between us, and all of a sudden a white pickup truck suddenly pulls out into traffic. I know I mentioned that it’s her car, but maybe I need to explain further. The car was an Oldsmobile Alero that she bought with her own money. Money she had saved. She loved that car, and it had been with her longer than I had. Now I have cars to the left of me, and a curb to my right so I did what anyone would do in that circumstance. No, I didn’t shit my pants. I locked up the brakes, held tight to the steering wheel to maintain my lane, and braced for impact.
The car, of course, was totaled. The good news was that my friend Jerry could let me borrow his truck for a couple days until we figured out what we were doing next. The bad news was that my future bride was out of town, due to return the next evening, and I had yet to tell her what happened. The following night, I pulled up to the curb at the airport in Jerry’s truck. I could tell by the quizzical look on her face that she wondered why I picked her up in anything other than the precious Alero. I let her know that all questions would be answered shortly. We pulled into a bar next to the apartments we called home, and as we sat down, I ordered us drinks. She asked again what was going on, and I held up a finger, refusing to answer until our drinks were in front of us. I knew she was going to need one. I explained about the accident, and she soon realized why we were there at the bar (she couldn’t kill me in a public place.)
-She was upset that someone pulled out in front of me and wrecked her 4-wheeled friend.
-She was upset at me for waiting to tell her instead of telling her on the phone the day before when it happened.
-And she was REALLY upset with me for getting mad at her for not even bothering to ask if I was OK after I dropped the bomb on her.
In the end, it was like I told her. “It’s all going to be ok. Take a deep breath. We’ll figure it out.”
We did figure it out. We didn’t get as much for the totaled out vehicle as we had hoped, but she got a one year old Nissan that she loved just as much. Well, not really, but almost. Ok honestly, she still gives me “the look” every time we see an Alero in traffic and it’s 6 years later.
Another great example was when I got a nice little Thank-You letter from my friends at the Internal Revenue Service.
If you want to know the rest of THAT story…well, you better buy the book. I will tell you this, though. It all ended up ok (for the IRS anyway.)
I can’t guarantee that all things will be ok with a deep breath. I won’t promise that there’s never going to be a time when the world gets the better of you for a moment, and you end up in the rain. I have no way of knowing if a copy of this book that we’re in will ever become a collector’s item 70 years from now.
But why take any chances. Do you want me to sign it?